


the sky to talk about

by freyq (antiva)



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Non-Binary Character, Childhood Friends, Fantasy Transitioning, Other, Pronoun discussions, Trans Male Character, trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 22:43:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20897330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antiva/pseuds/freyq
Summary: A knock at his bedroom door wakes Benjamin up.“Ten minutes,” he says, groggily.“It's me, loser,” says Blue J.--Or, a set of conversations around gender.





	the sky to talk about

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working out my headcanons about them and here's a little thing that got out of hand. YEAH some of us write fic ooc to cope YEAH we exist
> 
> I'm getting up for work in 5 hours but I dove in and couldn't just leave it there without posting so I'm PRAYING this is still good. 
> 
> i'm @lordephrim on twitter + shoutout to actual gender podcast server for keeping me inspired!

  
  
The great news comes when Benjamin is thirteen: Rosana, with three of the best physicians of the University, decides he's ready to start taking his potions.

“Cynthia will get one to us next week,” she says, eyes bright as she opens her arms to hug her son. He only sobs a little: he's almost an adult now, after all, and he will soon be taking potions just like the adults, just like his mom and Throndir and even Lord Ephrim.

He shares this with Blue J. as soon as he catches the oni sitting in their favorite tree. Benjamin climbs and plops down next to Blue, the bark scraping at his elbow as he maneuvers between the branches.

“I am going to grow Big Muscles,” he decides. Blue looks at him with a raised eyebrow.

“We'll see.”  
  


-  
  


As it turns out, puberty isn't fun, and potions don't make you grow muscle unless you work for it. Or, apparently, are an oni.

“Well, um, I just grew up and I looked like that,” Red Jack says, gesturing to pretty much his whole body. He's wearing a loose linen tank top, because he would rather die than cover up his biceps.

“That's just unfair,” says Benjamin.

“Have you thought about asking Throndir? He's also really strong.”

“Yeah, but he's also, like, sixty years old.”

Red Jack just shrugs.

“Hey guys,” Blue J. says, walking out of their home with a jug of orange juice. “Throndir is sixty-eight. He told me.”

“This does not help in the slightest,” Benjamin says, resigned, and Blue shrugs in a manner comically similar to Red Jack's.  
  


-  
  


Benjamin does not end up with big muscles, not by the time he's sixteen anyway. All he manages is a dramatic growth spurt that leaves him sticking out of the crowd. Blue J. loves it.

“Looks like the book I'm looking for is over there,” points up to the highest shelf, majestically positioned at the perfect height for Blue to reach it on tiptoes. “Oh no, whoever is going to get it for me?”

Benjamin rolls his eyes. You think you have problems? Try being taller than the friend who constantly complains about being tall. 

“I am only one hundred and eighty three centimeters tall,” he says, taking the book off the shelf.

“Congratulations! Perfect height,” says Blue J., happily receiving the book.

“What's this book anyway?”

“Oh,” Blue grins, “I don't know. I just wanted to live out the fantasy of having a tall person hand things to me.”

Benjamin sighs. “I need to find a new best friend.”

Blue J. nods solemnly.  
  


-  
  


By the time they're eighteen, Benjamin and Blue J. sport matching undercuts, matching goatees, and matching piercings in the gay ear.

“Which one is the gay one, anyway?” asks Benjamin the day before that last part.

“I think it's either for you? If you're gay, so are both of your ears.”

“That makes sense,” he says, and the next day he returns from a visit to the very same piercer who recently put new jewelry in Lord Ephrim's ears. With both of his ears pierced, of course.

Blue only goes for the left one at first, and that's the one the two wear matching jewelry in for a while, but soon the oni, too, gives in and gets the other one done.

“Wow, man, we just look like clones,” Blue says, looking in the mirror while Benjamin's shaving. It's a sunny morning, and Blue J. was let into the house by a very sleepy Rosana, telling Blue to go wake Benjamin up because he would not listen to her.

“I'm more handsome, though,” says Benjamin.

“I'm prettier, though,” says Blue J. Benjamin nods solemnly.

“That's just how it goes,” he says, dragging the razor across his left cheek. “Someone has to be handsome. Someone has to be pretty. No compromises,” he finishes and washes the blade.

Blue is, unusually for when Benjamin is around, quiet. Benjamin wonders for a second about the odd expression on Blue's face, but decides not to ask.  
  


-  
  


“I wish I was more like my father,” Benjamin says one day, as the two of them are sprawled on the grass near the river. Blue J. looks at him, a little puzzled.

“Like what? A paladin? A hunk? Shorter? Less gay?”

Benjamin gives Blue a Look. “More convinced that I'm going in the right direction,” he says, fake-brooding.

Blue J. sighs. “Ben, I love your dad, but you're literally so much more correct than him in pretty much every situation ever.”

“Maybe you're right,” Benjamin says. And then, “Maybe I'll be like your dad instead.”

“My dad is three metres tall.”

“It hasn't stopped him yet.”

“Fair point,” Blue J. laughs. The two of them watch the ducks for a while, unsure whether they're just regular ducks or a result of Fero's work: sometimes, they move in very uncanny ways. Maybe that's just how birds are, though.

Blue J. speaks up again, a bit more shyly. “I don't wanna be like my father.”

“Are you talking curse stuff or just in general?” Benjamin asks.

“Just in general. I'm truly hoping we're done with the curse, thank you very much. Look at me, I grew up in people time, and I'm all grown up, and still blue.”

Benjamin nods. “Why not, though? He's a cool guy. Of course you're cooler,” he quickly adds, “but like. Nothing wrong with being like your dad, I guess. Unless you're about to be three metres tall.” Blue stopped growing just shy of two.

“I... actually think it's about the guy part,” Blue says, and holds a breath in for a second, giving a duck a death glare.

“Ah,” Benjamin nods. “Makes sense.” Nothing bad happens to the duck.

“It does?”

“You do know personality traits are gender neutral, though?”

Blue J. laughs, tension not altogether gone but shoulders already more relaxed. “Stop being smart to me.”

“Never,” Benjamin says.

“Thanks.”  
  


-  
  


Benjamin only mentions Blue by name for a while.

“You do know pronouns exist, they taught us those in class,” Blue J. says, after Ben repeats it five times in one sentence. They're sitting on a balcony, left alone after some of their friends went back inside, where a party for one of the cool kids is taking place. Benjamin tugs at the edges of his robe.

“You told me you weren't sure about this 'he' business a week ago!”

“That does not mean you have to sound like you're doing some sort of a name based spell,” Blue says.

Benjamin turns to look at Blue, face earnest. “Okay,” he says, “do you really dislike it?”

Blue J. thinks for a moment. “No. I appreciate it.”

A smile shows up on Benjamin's face, and his shoulders relax. “A 'thanks' would have sufficed, then.”

Blue reaches out to grab his hand in a casual gesture and smiles back. “Thanks, nerd.”

Benjamin doesn't let Blue drop his hand until they go back inside. Blue's hand is warmer than the air at this hour either way.  
  


-  
  


A knock at his bedroom door wakes Benjamin up.

“Ten minutes,” he says, groggily.

“It's me, loser,” says Blue J.

Ben springs up from the bed and unlocks the door before even getting his glasses, which definitely means he trips over the book pile next to his bed on his way there.

“Can you even see anything like that?”

“I can see your face.”

“My condolences.”

“Shut up.”

Blue unceremoniously walks into Benjamin's room and moves the books away with a foot. “You should not be putting them on the floor. Lem will kill you.”

“He can try.”

“Anyway,” an eyeroll, and Blue plops down on Benjamin's bed. “Your suffering is over. I figured out the pronoun thing.”

Benjamin's face lights up as he puts on his glasses. “Yeah?”

“I was talking to Adaire, and she was telling me about an old flame of hers, and long story short, that person is only referred to with 'they,'” Blue J. explains.

“Mhm. We know lots of people who prefer that too.”

“Yeah, but,” Blue shrugs with an excited face, “hearing Adaire say it like that... I haven't met that person, like I met Rocco and Gael, and so this was like... a first impression, and they were someone special to her, and,” a breath, “I think I'd like that, too.”

“So, 'they' it is?”

“Yeah!”

“And can I tell people?”

Blue thinks for a moment. “You can explain to them if they ask,” they pause, “but don't tell my dad... and Throndir yet? I mean, I'll probably see them first, but. I wanna make sure they know... from me.”

Benjamin nods, at the moment a little bit distracted by the sight of the flushed, happy oni on his bed. “I love you,” he says.

Blue J. goes quiet for a second before they say it back.

Ben knows Blue Gets It.  
  


-  
  


“So, like, now we have to figure out what the hell you're supposed to be calling me, again,” says Blue J. approximately eleven months after That Conversation.

The sun makes them both squint as it hits their faces on their way out of the forest. They're walking hand in hand as they often do, making their way back from a sweet meeting at their favorite spot by the river.

“Your name,” says Benjamin, like it's obvious. As he walks, he moves to bump their shoulders together.

“No,” they reply, “are you kidding me?”

“What's wrong with names?”

Blue just looks at him like he's lost his last braincell. “Obviously,” they say, “the fact that if I call you 'Benjamin' nobody will know that I am dating you now.”

“Blue.” Benjamin sighs. “They don't absolutely need to know.”

“They absolutely do,” they say, and lift their joined hands up to make a point. “This is something we've been doing for years now.”

“Because we're idiots.”

“No, you,” they shoot him a teasing look. “I am going to throw your name out of my vocabulary for when you're not with me and I am going to call you my boyfriend, because I earned it.”

“Again, you could have just said something!”

“Again, you know very well this isn't how it works.”

Benjamin huffs. “Fair enough.”

“So, any ideas what you're going to call me? Make it cute and fancy.”

“...partner?” Benjamin says, and cringes. “Too adult.”

“I think my father calls Throndir that when they're mad at each other,” Blue J. giggles.

“That's cute, actually.”

“It is, but that's outside the point.”

“How about 'my love'?” Benjamin asks.

Blue J. coughs a little bit. “Um --”

“I don't have to, just suggesting – “

“No, I think that's good, actually. That's the best,” Blue smiles.

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” They grin. “You sap.”

At least that's an improvement from 'nerd,' Benjamin thinks.

He kisses Blue's knuckles as they part outside of Benjamin's home.  
  



End file.
